So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
