I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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