Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
