i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize