i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
