Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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