According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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