He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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