All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
