I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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