Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
