so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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