You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
