maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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