i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
