real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
