A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize