oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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