So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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