It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
