somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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