Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
