Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My room smells like vodka and shame
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
