so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
