you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
