my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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