Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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