lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
