These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
