you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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