he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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