i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
