He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
