She announced her abortion via fbk
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
