Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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