I can tuck mytits in my pants
you guys were way drunker than both of me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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