shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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