so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
