i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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