did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
