I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize