I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
