wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
