i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize