I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
