Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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