Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
