It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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