Three words: puerto rican gang bang
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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