What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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