i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
