Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
