The maid of honor just puked.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
