I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i jhust puked up my retainher.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I will pee on everything he values.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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