Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think my moral compass just broke
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
