i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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