I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
