I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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