My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
