took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
