I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
