Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
