Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
