You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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