dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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