I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
