If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
