He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
