her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
