It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
