I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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