I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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