Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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