Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
