3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
