I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
