what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
