i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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