she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
