it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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