White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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