just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize